


Just the facts, Dorian

by DistracttheGoddess



Series: DWC Prompts [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drabble, Humor, mild nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10837935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistracttheGoddess/pseuds/DistracttheGoddess
Summary: Cullen just wants a standard report please.Based off the prompt: "I'm going to need you to put on underwear before you say anything else." for dadrunkwriting





	Just the facts, Dorian

Cullen was frustrated. The reason he had the Inquisitor’s inner circle give him reports after missions was because he needed to know what happened. Not so Dorian could embellish his heroics. He already had to fight Varric tooth and nail to get a sensible document out of the dwarf. It would not do to have a second over the top field report when all he needed was simple answers. Why couldn’t everyone be more like Cassandra. Her papers always ran a bit dry, but damned if they weren’t accurate and free of that damned hyperbole.

He’d gotten six pages into Dorian’s report of battling the Ferelden Frostback and he’d just gotten to the first sighting of the dragon. This frustration was how he now found himself outside the mage’s room in the evening hours.

The meat of his fist beat against the door. “Dorian! A word.”

“It’s open!” A cheerful voice called from inside.

Cullen strode in, papers held aloft already poised in an accusatory fashion.

“Commander! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Dorian said, saluting Cullen with the half filled glass in his hands.

“Dorian!” The yelp that escaped him was not the sound of a man who was in charge of an army. Cullen was fairly sure that he hadn’t made any sound similar to that since he was a youth in the midst of his voice change. Mia had not been kind.

Cullen coughed, which in no way diminished the wide shit-eating grin covering his friends face. “That is… I wasn’t expecting you to be so…” He gestured vaguely, eyes glued to the wall over Dorian’s shoulder.

“So what, my good man? So devilishly handsome? So kind-eyed? So breathtaking? So arousing?” He eyebrow quirked up at the last suggestion.

“So not clothed.”

“Ah, yes. That.” Dorian quickly downed the rest of his amber beverage and sat at the small wooden table the decanter sat upon. “Afraid you’ll not be able to resist my delicate charms? Or rather, indelicate charms if I do say so myself.”

Cullen snorted and rolled his eyes. “I’m going to need you to put on some underclothes before you say anything else.”

Dorian let out a long-suffering sigh. “You Fereldens are so particular.” He did cover his manhood however. Not in the clothing way that Cullen would have perhaps preferred, but by instead draping a silk sheet across his lap; one dark leg stretched out in front of him. “Better?”

“Slightly.”

“So I see you’ve gotten my report. Have you gotten to the part about the Inquisitor launching herself off of Bull and into the dragon’s waiting mouth? It’s my favorite bit.”

“No. I didn’t get that far. It took you six full pages before you even got to the battle. I need these reports to be an accurate assessment of what’s going on in the field. You and Varric will be the death of me. Especially with Cole’s nonsensical ramblings and Sera just turning in doodles.”

“I don’t see any harm in making your precious reports palatable. I’ve seen some of Bull’s handiwork. Not an impressive piece of writing, I can tell you.”

“It doesn’t need to be impressive! It needs to be correct. I don’t have the time to sift through all of your reports and everyone else’s when you hand in a twenty two page document, most of which is useless. I don’t need seven adjectives describing the heat of the fire. ‘It burned.’ will do just fine. I don’t care that it was incandescent.”

“You’ll take all of the fun out of it, Commander. But I will, as you say, concede. From here out, I’ll take my writing advice from Cassandra.”

This felt too easy, but Cullen was going to take the victory; hollow as it felt. “Right. Well. Excellent, then. I’ll be off.”

As Cullen turned to go, Dorian called out, “Oh, one more thing.”

He knew it was a mistake the moment just before his eyes laid back on the mage. He was standing deceptively casually pouring himself another glass. “Yes?” Cullen bit out.

“You’re adorable when you blush like that.” he said, smiling against the rim of his glass.

“Maker’s breath.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments, or hit me up on tumblr: @distractthegoddess I love to hear from you guys! :*
> 
> Based off "I'm going to need you to put on underwear before you say anything else." for dadrunkwriting


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